glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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