We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
