Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
