would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
