I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
