My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
