Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
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