I got chris browned last night
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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