if you like me you must not know who I am
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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