Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
