I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
