Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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