Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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