If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
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