What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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