I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
