I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Randomize
