I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Im part way to drunk.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
