You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
