Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
