It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
