With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
