he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
