i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Randomize
