I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
