Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
