Have you finally orgasmed yet?
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Randomize
