I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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