yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
