Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
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