Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
