He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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