Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
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