eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
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