it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
