I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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