dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Randomize
