They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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