I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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