I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
