I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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