I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
