I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
