My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I showed him my bush... on skype.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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