Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
