Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
