Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
