Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize