So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Mom said you looked used
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
