Small penises have feelings too.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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