i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
