apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
