I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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