If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
