omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize