I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I love you.
Bad choice
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