Are we in a gay sports bar?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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