somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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