oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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