My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
