You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
