Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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