Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize