all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
