I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
