He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Randomize
