dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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