My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
