I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
