mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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